Crystal Lizzy
March 15th, 2006, 03:42 PM
Well, I've been writing a parody of Kingdom Hearts for sometime now. And I finally have finished... the rough draft, that is. So, the jokes may be old, some may be funny. To tell the truth, I'm not that good at writing parodies. In fact, this is my first time! So please have nice comments for me. Thanx! I may actually film this in the summer... if I had any friends who can act out the parts for me. XD
Ultimate Kingdom Hearts Parody
The scene begins with "Strange Whispers" playing in the background. Kairi is tied up to a pole with a rope and Ansem is standing around, waiting for Sora and Riku. Ansem then steps up near Kairi and begins in an ominous voice his lines.
Ansem. Finally! I have all seven princesses of heart! The key to gaining Kingdom Hearts and ruling over the worlds!!
Kairi (struggling). Yeah, that's great buddy. But um, could you please loosen the rope a little? It's a little tight in an uncomfortable spot, if you know what I mean.
Ansem (immediately). SHILENCE!
*cricket noise* The whole scene is silent for a couple of seconds.
Kairi (normal voice). Um, shilence?
Ansem. YES! (after this answer Kairi flinches back a little and Ansem's voice is not ominous. The music is cut off.) You know... it's the uh, conversion between uh, silence and um... shut up. So you know... hehe...
Ansem scratches his head, being nervous a little but puts his voice back to being ominous.
Ansem. But that is why you should be silence and you should shut up! (when he says silence and shut up, Ansem is shaking his finger at Kairi)
Kairi looks weird and it kinda annoyed. Ansem stands straight.
Kairi. Okay, geez. You don't have to push it.
Ansem groans, putting his face into his hand while having the other one cross his body. Ansem walks over to the other side of stage, mumbling something under his breath. The music continues to play but suddenly, Sora appears and he stops, very tired. Kairi and Ansem's attention are toward Sora.
Sora (acting tired). Phew! Man, took me hours just to get her-- oh hey Kairi! How ya doing?
Kairi (sarcasm). Oh yeah, pretty good Sora. I'm doing JUST fine! (rolls eyes)
Sora. Hey!
We see Sora pointing at Ansem, putting his hands up.
Sora. Hey Riku! I didn't know you were here before me!
[b]Ansem[b] (confused). Um, I'm not Riku! I am Ansem, the one who obtained all seven princesses, the one who will gain Kingdom Hearts and rule all worlds!
Sora (laughs). Ahahahaha! Ah, Riku! You sure do crack me up! (laughs more)
Riku emerges behind Sora and taps Sora on the shoulder, being annoyed. Sora turns back to see and still has the same expression on his face.
Riku. Uh, Sora?
Sora. (laughing) Oh, hey Riku! (laughs but stops immediately) Woah!
All except Sora flinch by Sora's "Woah!". Sora looks back once, the second time more faster, and the third time the fastest, in confusion. Sora points both of his fingers at both Ansem and Riku in shock.
[b]Sora[b] (confusion). Wha- hey- ju- what? Wait a minute! (little pause) You cloned yourself Riku! Wow!
Sora compliments on Riku's "cloning", giving him a nudge and chuckling a bit. Riku has the total opposite expression of Sora. Riku rolls his eyes and stops Sora.
Riku. Uh, no Sora. I didn't um, clone myself. That's Ansem (pointing at Ansem, Ansem looking away). You know, the ruler of all darkness. (as Riku says this line, Riku wiggles his fingers towards Sora to give a feeling that Ansem is ruler of darkness)
Sora strokes his chin as of thinking and then seems to get it. Riku gives an idea saying "See? Didn't I tell ya?" but then it immediately changes to annoyance.
Sora. Oh! I get it! (Riku saying, "See!" and Sora changes his expression) Wait a minute! (eyeing Riku)
Riku and Kairi moans while Ansem seems to be entertained by this by holding back his laughs. Sora puts a finger in Riku's chest while saying the next few lines.
Sora (suspecting Riku). Are ya tryin' to pick a bone with me? Huh? HUH?!
Riku (moaning). No! I am the real Riku!
Sora. Prove it! (Sora crosses his arms and waits for an answer)
Riku. Well, of course we have the same hair color and the cool clothes.
Riku points to Ansem's and his hair and does the same with their clothing while Sora mocks Riku silently. At the last part, Sora looks at Riku.
Sora. Hey!
Riku. But! I have a more cooler weapon!
Ansem. Hey!
Riku. See? Don't you see the difference??!! (during this line, Riku points to both himself and Ansem)
Sora. Hmph. Still ain't convinced. What's the secret password to our club then, Riku?
Riku is looking more annoyed than ever and seems to be begging Sora's nonsense to end.
Riku (annoyed). Do I have to? In front of Kairi? Ansem? Them?
Riku points to Kairi, then Ansem and then the audience or camera as he says the line. Sora nods and Riku groans. Music stops. As Riku takes a deep breath, a drum roll is heard and when he says his line, it stops.
[b]Riku.[b] Supercowafragilisticaxspialadocious! *applause sound* You happy?
Sora. Meh, close enough.
Sora and Riku get into their positions facing Ansem and Ansem does the same. "Having a Wild Time" plays now as the background music.
Sora. Let's beat him to the finish! I'll go first!
Sora charges blindly but Riku is yet annoyed again. Sora then stops because Ansem holds out his hand in front.
Ansem. Behold! The Light!
Ansem takes out a flash light from his sleeve and opens it towards Sora's eyes. Sora is then acting like he's melting.
Sora. NOOOOOO! MY ONE WEAKNESS!
Sora then faints on the ground. Ansem laughs maniacly while Kairi and Riku are in shock that their friend is dead. The music stops.
Sora (laughing) Bwahahahahahaha! You guys fell for it! Psyche! Hahahahahaha! Haha... hehe... uh, ahem. Uh, yeah.
*cricket noise* Riku, Kairi, and Ansem look at Sora VERY seriously. Sora looks nervous. He puts his fingers together and gulps. Sora looks around for any backup but none whatsoever. Ansem yells out a scream of frustration. "Forze del Male" plays in the background.
Ansem (frustrated) THAT IS IT! FOOLISH KEYBLADE MASTER! YOUR END SHALL MEET!
Ansem charges hastely towards Sora but then the music stops as Sora runs for his life to the other side of the stage, wimpering. Riku gets in his position and then the music plays again.
Riku. This time, it's my turn!
Riku and Ansem rush towards each other, starting their fight. At first, they cling Ansem's arm and Riku's Soul Eater together. Then, Riku backs off and jumps up and slashes Ansem from up but Ansem dodges the attack. Ansem then parries by slashing his arm across to hit Riku. Riku dodges by jumping out of the way and also parries Ansem. Ansem dodges that attack. Both of them then do one last charge but Riku ducks Ansem's slash of his arm and Riku attacks Ansem from his leg. Ansem then bleeds out "darkness" from his leg and goes to the other side of the stage. The music stops with Ansem whining about his pain.
Kairi. You did it!
Sora (appearing from behind and clings on Riku's back) Yeah we did it! Whooooooooooo!
Riku looks annoyed at Sora. The whole place is silent with Sora still celebrating. "Victory Theme of Final Fantasy" plays and Riku and Sora gives a peace sign with their tongues sticking out toward the audience. The music stops. A cry from across the stage is heard. It's Ansem's last fall.
Ansem. Soon, I'll return! I shall once again obtain all seven princesses of heart, then I will gain Kingdom Hearts once again! And then-
As Ansem is saying his lines, Riku comes over to Ansem and shines a flashlight over Ansem's head at the end of the cutoff.
Riku (annoyingly) Just die already! (shining flashlight over Ansem's head)
Ansem screams his last scream and it shrouded by a black blanket. Sora comes over to Riku and tries to have a high five with him but Riku refuses, still being annoyed by Sora. Kairi clears her throat while looking at Sora furiously.
Kairi.[b] *ahem*(Sora looks back at Kairi)
[b]Sora.[b] Oh, hehe... right!
Riku and Sora go and help untie Kairi from the pole. Just as they finish untying her, Roxas comes onto stage with Namine behind him. Roxas notices the pool of darkness and gasps.
[b]Roxas. Oh my gosh! You!
All attention is now on Roxas. Sora steps up and points at Roxas, with of course Riku and Kairi shaking their heads in embarrassment.
Sora. Oh my god! I know you! You are uh... what's his face...? OH! Blonde Haired Kid! Ehehe!
Silence. *cricket noise*
Roxas. Uh, no. I'm Roxas.
Sora. Ooooooohh...
Namine steps up in front of Roxas and introduces herself.
Namine. My name is Namine. We are looking for a man with white hair, cool clothing, and the coolest weapon of all.
Sora looks at Riku menacingly. Riku looks confused at Sora, who is now looking mean to Riku. Sora grabs Riku's arm and brings them to his back, holding him.
Sora. So, you are Ansem after all? Huh?
Riku. For the last time, NO!
Roxas (in front now of Riku and Sora). And besides, he has more longer white hair. Plus he has yellow, scary eyes (as Roxas says this line, he goes to a creepy voice, then back to his normal voice).
Namine nods and Sora let's go of Riku, being embarrassed that he mistook his friend for the dark master. Sora scratches his head while Riku dusts hiself off, also looking at Sora furiously. Roxas shakes his head in disappointment. Riku turns to Namine and Roxas.
Riku. Look, we have defeated Ansem already. He's gone now. So uh, yeah. Sorry you came late.
Roxas groans and Namine has a disappointed look on her face.
Sora. Yeah, but you should give the credit to me since I well... ahem, did most of the work.
Sora looks at Riku and nudges him a bit. Riku has a bland look and stares at Sora seriously. Suddenly Namine screams and points at the dark pool which is moving. Kairi and Riku back away, Kairi screams. Sora is not one bit convinced.
Sora. Heh. Yeah right. I'm not falling for that one. Hmph!
Sora crosses his arms but Kairi comes over to Sora and forces his head to see the moving pool of darkness.
Namine. *gasps* A Heartless is emerging!
Riku, Sora, and Kairi gasp and look at the dark pool, also backing away. The music continues on for a few seconds but stops while Sora looks confused.
Sora (looks at Roxas and Namine). Wait, what?
Kairi (pointing at the dark pool and screaming). Look!
Music continues after Kairi finishes the line. The rest of the gang look back and see something coming up from the covers of the dark blanket. The gang back away at the same time screaming for their life, especially Sora and all grasping on to each other. Suddenly, a little toddler comes out from out of the covers and the music fades out.
Toddler Heartless. Goo goo.
All Except Roxas. Awww...
Roxas (shocked). Ho-Hold on! That could still be a Heartless!
Sora. What? (looking at Roxas) What are you talking about? It's just a little baby and his *goo goo sounds*
Sora comes closer to the baby, holding out a finger to tickle him. As Sora disconnects with the group, they try to hold Sora back but it is too late. Suddenly, the toddler makes a growling sound and opens its mouth, only to have a lion's roar out of it. This scares Sora to death and he wimpers back to the gang, all still clinging on to each other. The toddler comes closer very slowly with one step. As the toddler takes a step, the gang takes a step back. This goes on for three of the toddler's steps. Music in the background in the "Jaws Theme". After three steps of the toddler, the music stops and there is silence for a few seconds. Sora then exclaims.
Sora. Uh... Last one to the Gummi Ship is a rotten egg!
Suddenly, the gang topples over Sora and Sora falls flat on his face. The toddler is coming closer but Sora manages to get up and race for his life. Like the others, they go off the stage. Silence for a few seconds. Then, some of Ansem's Punks come and see if the coast is clear. One of them gives a thumbs up to the others and Ansem comes out of the covers. This time, Ansem is in a gangsta voice. Music in the background is "Shipmeister's Humoresque".
Ansem. That was tight man! We totally pawned them! (gives handshake to one of the punks)
The punks agree and nod their heads. Ansem then picks up the toddler and tickles it in the stomach.
Ansem. Man, yo! That was alsa tight wit' you, lil' Heartless Toddler.
Just as Ansem puts his finger on the nose of the toddler, the toddler tries to bite it off but Ansem espcapes the toddler's attack. As Ansem's punks leave the stage, Ansem and the toddler are alone. Ansem shakes a finger at the Toddler.
Ansem. Be careful, lil Toddler! Hey, let's go out for pizza man!
The toddler squeals with delight and both Ansem and the Toddler go off stage. Then, Person #1 comes on stage and holds up a sign saying, "The". Then Person #2 comes out behind holding, "End". The background music is "Simple and Clean". It goes on for the chorus. When it stops, Person #3 comes out on stage and holds a sign with "?" on it and then on, scary music plays. Dance number then goes on after Persons are off stage. End.
Ultimate Kingdom Hearts Parody
The scene begins with "Strange Whispers" playing in the background. Kairi is tied up to a pole with a rope and Ansem is standing around, waiting for Sora and Riku. Ansem then steps up near Kairi and begins in an ominous voice his lines.
Ansem. Finally! I have all seven princesses of heart! The key to gaining Kingdom Hearts and ruling over the worlds!!
Kairi (struggling). Yeah, that's great buddy. But um, could you please loosen the rope a little? It's a little tight in an uncomfortable spot, if you know what I mean.
Ansem (immediately). SHILENCE!
*cricket noise* The whole scene is silent for a couple of seconds.
Kairi (normal voice). Um, shilence?
Ansem. YES! (after this answer Kairi flinches back a little and Ansem's voice is not ominous. The music is cut off.) You know... it's the uh, conversion between uh, silence and um... shut up. So you know... hehe...
Ansem scratches his head, being nervous a little but puts his voice back to being ominous.
Ansem. But that is why you should be silence and you should shut up! (when he says silence and shut up, Ansem is shaking his finger at Kairi)
Kairi looks weird and it kinda annoyed. Ansem stands straight.
Kairi. Okay, geez. You don't have to push it.
Ansem groans, putting his face into his hand while having the other one cross his body. Ansem walks over to the other side of stage, mumbling something under his breath. The music continues to play but suddenly, Sora appears and he stops, very tired. Kairi and Ansem's attention are toward Sora.
Sora (acting tired). Phew! Man, took me hours just to get her-- oh hey Kairi! How ya doing?
Kairi (sarcasm). Oh yeah, pretty good Sora. I'm doing JUST fine! (rolls eyes)
Sora. Hey!
We see Sora pointing at Ansem, putting his hands up.
Sora. Hey Riku! I didn't know you were here before me!
[b]Ansem[b] (confused). Um, I'm not Riku! I am Ansem, the one who obtained all seven princesses, the one who will gain Kingdom Hearts and rule all worlds!
Sora (laughs). Ahahahaha! Ah, Riku! You sure do crack me up! (laughs more)
Riku emerges behind Sora and taps Sora on the shoulder, being annoyed. Sora turns back to see and still has the same expression on his face.
Riku. Uh, Sora?
Sora. (laughing) Oh, hey Riku! (laughs but stops immediately) Woah!
All except Sora flinch by Sora's "Woah!". Sora looks back once, the second time more faster, and the third time the fastest, in confusion. Sora points both of his fingers at both Ansem and Riku in shock.
[b]Sora[b] (confusion). Wha- hey- ju- what? Wait a minute! (little pause) You cloned yourself Riku! Wow!
Sora compliments on Riku's "cloning", giving him a nudge and chuckling a bit. Riku has the total opposite expression of Sora. Riku rolls his eyes and stops Sora.
Riku. Uh, no Sora. I didn't um, clone myself. That's Ansem (pointing at Ansem, Ansem looking away). You know, the ruler of all darkness. (as Riku says this line, Riku wiggles his fingers towards Sora to give a feeling that Ansem is ruler of darkness)
Sora strokes his chin as of thinking and then seems to get it. Riku gives an idea saying "See? Didn't I tell ya?" but then it immediately changes to annoyance.
Sora. Oh! I get it! (Riku saying, "See!" and Sora changes his expression) Wait a minute! (eyeing Riku)
Riku and Kairi moans while Ansem seems to be entertained by this by holding back his laughs. Sora puts a finger in Riku's chest while saying the next few lines.
Sora (suspecting Riku). Are ya tryin' to pick a bone with me? Huh? HUH?!
Riku (moaning). No! I am the real Riku!
Sora. Prove it! (Sora crosses his arms and waits for an answer)
Riku. Well, of course we have the same hair color and the cool clothes.
Riku points to Ansem's and his hair and does the same with their clothing while Sora mocks Riku silently. At the last part, Sora looks at Riku.
Sora. Hey!
Riku. But! I have a more cooler weapon!
Ansem. Hey!
Riku. See? Don't you see the difference??!! (during this line, Riku points to both himself and Ansem)
Sora. Hmph. Still ain't convinced. What's the secret password to our club then, Riku?
Riku is looking more annoyed than ever and seems to be begging Sora's nonsense to end.
Riku (annoyed). Do I have to? In front of Kairi? Ansem? Them?
Riku points to Kairi, then Ansem and then the audience or camera as he says the line. Sora nods and Riku groans. Music stops. As Riku takes a deep breath, a drum roll is heard and when he says his line, it stops.
[b]Riku.[b] Supercowafragilisticaxspialadocious! *applause sound* You happy?
Sora. Meh, close enough.
Sora and Riku get into their positions facing Ansem and Ansem does the same. "Having a Wild Time" plays now as the background music.
Sora. Let's beat him to the finish! I'll go first!
Sora charges blindly but Riku is yet annoyed again. Sora then stops because Ansem holds out his hand in front.
Ansem. Behold! The Light!
Ansem takes out a flash light from his sleeve and opens it towards Sora's eyes. Sora is then acting like he's melting.
Sora. NOOOOOO! MY ONE WEAKNESS!
Sora then faints on the ground. Ansem laughs maniacly while Kairi and Riku are in shock that their friend is dead. The music stops.
Sora (laughing) Bwahahahahahaha! You guys fell for it! Psyche! Hahahahahaha! Haha... hehe... uh, ahem. Uh, yeah.
*cricket noise* Riku, Kairi, and Ansem look at Sora VERY seriously. Sora looks nervous. He puts his fingers together and gulps. Sora looks around for any backup but none whatsoever. Ansem yells out a scream of frustration. "Forze del Male" plays in the background.
Ansem (frustrated) THAT IS IT! FOOLISH KEYBLADE MASTER! YOUR END SHALL MEET!
Ansem charges hastely towards Sora but then the music stops as Sora runs for his life to the other side of the stage, wimpering. Riku gets in his position and then the music plays again.
Riku. This time, it's my turn!
Riku and Ansem rush towards each other, starting their fight. At first, they cling Ansem's arm and Riku's Soul Eater together. Then, Riku backs off and jumps up and slashes Ansem from up but Ansem dodges the attack. Ansem then parries by slashing his arm across to hit Riku. Riku dodges by jumping out of the way and also parries Ansem. Ansem dodges that attack. Both of them then do one last charge but Riku ducks Ansem's slash of his arm and Riku attacks Ansem from his leg. Ansem then bleeds out "darkness" from his leg and goes to the other side of the stage. The music stops with Ansem whining about his pain.
Kairi. You did it!
Sora (appearing from behind and clings on Riku's back) Yeah we did it! Whooooooooooo!
Riku looks annoyed at Sora. The whole place is silent with Sora still celebrating. "Victory Theme of Final Fantasy" plays and Riku and Sora gives a peace sign with their tongues sticking out toward the audience. The music stops. A cry from across the stage is heard. It's Ansem's last fall.
Ansem. Soon, I'll return! I shall once again obtain all seven princesses of heart, then I will gain Kingdom Hearts once again! And then-
As Ansem is saying his lines, Riku comes over to Ansem and shines a flashlight over Ansem's head at the end of the cutoff.
Riku (annoyingly) Just die already! (shining flashlight over Ansem's head)
Ansem screams his last scream and it shrouded by a black blanket. Sora comes over to Riku and tries to have a high five with him but Riku refuses, still being annoyed by Sora. Kairi clears her throat while looking at Sora furiously.
Kairi.[b] *ahem*(Sora looks back at Kairi)
[b]Sora.[b] Oh, hehe... right!
Riku and Sora go and help untie Kairi from the pole. Just as they finish untying her, Roxas comes onto stage with Namine behind him. Roxas notices the pool of darkness and gasps.
[b]Roxas. Oh my gosh! You!
All attention is now on Roxas. Sora steps up and points at Roxas, with of course Riku and Kairi shaking their heads in embarrassment.
Sora. Oh my god! I know you! You are uh... what's his face...? OH! Blonde Haired Kid! Ehehe!
Silence. *cricket noise*
Roxas. Uh, no. I'm Roxas.
Sora. Ooooooohh...
Namine steps up in front of Roxas and introduces herself.
Namine. My name is Namine. We are looking for a man with white hair, cool clothing, and the coolest weapon of all.
Sora looks at Riku menacingly. Riku looks confused at Sora, who is now looking mean to Riku. Sora grabs Riku's arm and brings them to his back, holding him.
Sora. So, you are Ansem after all? Huh?
Riku. For the last time, NO!
Roxas (in front now of Riku and Sora). And besides, he has more longer white hair. Plus he has yellow, scary eyes (as Roxas says this line, he goes to a creepy voice, then back to his normal voice).
Namine nods and Sora let's go of Riku, being embarrassed that he mistook his friend for the dark master. Sora scratches his head while Riku dusts hiself off, also looking at Sora furiously. Roxas shakes his head in disappointment. Riku turns to Namine and Roxas.
Riku. Look, we have defeated Ansem already. He's gone now. So uh, yeah. Sorry you came late.
Roxas groans and Namine has a disappointed look on her face.
Sora. Yeah, but you should give the credit to me since I well... ahem, did most of the work.
Sora looks at Riku and nudges him a bit. Riku has a bland look and stares at Sora seriously. Suddenly Namine screams and points at the dark pool which is moving. Kairi and Riku back away, Kairi screams. Sora is not one bit convinced.
Sora. Heh. Yeah right. I'm not falling for that one. Hmph!
Sora crosses his arms but Kairi comes over to Sora and forces his head to see the moving pool of darkness.
Namine. *gasps* A Heartless is emerging!
Riku, Sora, and Kairi gasp and look at the dark pool, also backing away. The music continues on for a few seconds but stops while Sora looks confused.
Sora (looks at Roxas and Namine). Wait, what?
Kairi (pointing at the dark pool and screaming). Look!
Music continues after Kairi finishes the line. The rest of the gang look back and see something coming up from the covers of the dark blanket. The gang back away at the same time screaming for their life, especially Sora and all grasping on to each other. Suddenly, a little toddler comes out from out of the covers and the music fades out.
Toddler Heartless. Goo goo.
All Except Roxas. Awww...
Roxas (shocked). Ho-Hold on! That could still be a Heartless!
Sora. What? (looking at Roxas) What are you talking about? It's just a little baby and his *goo goo sounds*
Sora comes closer to the baby, holding out a finger to tickle him. As Sora disconnects with the group, they try to hold Sora back but it is too late. Suddenly, the toddler makes a growling sound and opens its mouth, only to have a lion's roar out of it. This scares Sora to death and he wimpers back to the gang, all still clinging on to each other. The toddler comes closer very slowly with one step. As the toddler takes a step, the gang takes a step back. This goes on for three of the toddler's steps. Music in the background in the "Jaws Theme". After three steps of the toddler, the music stops and there is silence for a few seconds. Sora then exclaims.
Sora. Uh... Last one to the Gummi Ship is a rotten egg!
Suddenly, the gang topples over Sora and Sora falls flat on his face. The toddler is coming closer but Sora manages to get up and race for his life. Like the others, they go off the stage. Silence for a few seconds. Then, some of Ansem's Punks come and see if the coast is clear. One of them gives a thumbs up to the others and Ansem comes out of the covers. This time, Ansem is in a gangsta voice. Music in the background is "Shipmeister's Humoresque".
Ansem. That was tight man! We totally pawned them! (gives handshake to one of the punks)
The punks agree and nod their heads. Ansem then picks up the toddler and tickles it in the stomach.
Ansem. Man, yo! That was alsa tight wit' you, lil' Heartless Toddler.
Just as Ansem puts his finger on the nose of the toddler, the toddler tries to bite it off but Ansem espcapes the toddler's attack. As Ansem's punks leave the stage, Ansem and the toddler are alone. Ansem shakes a finger at the Toddler.
Ansem. Be careful, lil Toddler! Hey, let's go out for pizza man!
The toddler squeals with delight and both Ansem and the Toddler go off stage. Then, Person #1 comes on stage and holds up a sign saying, "The". Then Person #2 comes out behind holding, "End". The background music is "Simple and Clean". It goes on for the chorus. When it stops, Person #3 comes out on stage and holds a sign with "?" on it and then on, scary music plays. Dance number then goes on after Persons are off stage. End.