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Tai
February 13th, 2006, 04:55 PM
The rhyming pattern isn't that hot for this one... but it works...


Turn around and I'm gone
What is there to remember?
Sleepless nights spent restlessly
Just who is the contender?
As we live our countless lives
In the pressence of tyranny,
The one who waits and watches
Knows far more than we.

Endless nights and endless days
Spending past to blur
Put up your arms and turn to stare
At the face of your murder
For from 'twixt flesh and bones
Rises that which we fear
That which all evil comes
Our own humanity dear.



Urg.... I hate it....
zidane alare
February 13th, 2006, 05:00 PM
it sounds good i like it

hi goodbye are the words you last said
i have horrible nightmares when i go to bed
i said i hate you but that it is not what i mean
i never very clean
oh oh woe is me
to not be able to see
that i am dead with no regret
so good bye its getting dark and its time to sleep
zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

is this better or worst then yours do you think?
Seraphy
February 13th, 2006, 05:11 PM
Poems don't have to have a rhyme scheme to be one. I like the vocab usage ^^
PhoenixPhantom
February 14th, 2006, 12:24 AM
Love the words used.

"In the pressence of tyranny"

That's hot!
Khaos
February 14th, 2006, 08:16 AM
Love the words used.

"In the pressence of tyranny"

That's hot!
-agrees-
Phoenix
February 14th, 2006, 06:00 PM
Why do you hate your poem, it's really good. The rhyming may be a bit weird, but it fits and makes the poem all the more better.
Tai
February 16th, 2006, 04:33 PM
*blushes* Arigato! Man, I'm suprised people liked the wording.... Arigato gozaimasu!

Here's another:

Insomnia

Toss and
turn
Watch it
burn
Ev'rything to
the ground
As they
dance around
Firey eyes
With homicide
Stabbing and
twisting
Just to keep
existing.

--

Hm, never tried to rhyme like that before... Not quite loving the enjambment....
zidane alare
February 16th, 2006, 04:36 PM
its good but verey short only 1-3 words on each line good you spaced
it
like
this though
Tai
February 16th, 2006, 04:59 PM
Yeah. That's enjambment. It adds to the effect of the language. So instead of saying it like; 'Toss and turn, watch it burn' you say it like "Toss and. Turn. Watch it. Burn."

It puts emphasis on the rhymes and the wording.
zidane alare
February 16th, 2006, 05:01 PM
hmm interesting
CTM
February 16th, 2006, 05:36 PM
Pretty good Tai, but just for the record : Rambling can't be poetic by definition :p

Welcome to the Anarchy
Enigmatic Entity
Tai
February 16th, 2006, 08:40 PM
Was waiting for someone to pick that up :D Ah, the joys of oxymorons (sp?)....
PhoenixPhantom
February 16th, 2006, 10:03 PM
Ev'rything to
the ground
As they dance
around

Was the only bad part.
Thought you couldeve chosen a better word to rhyme there.
Otherwise the 'enjambment' which I've never seen before is reall effective.